Yes, I dropped the F-bomb. Feminism is often seen as a dirty word these days, so let me first explain what I mean when I use that term. I mean equality in the workplace and a belief in the inherent equality of men and women. What I don’t mean is hating men, wanting to be a man, being judgmental of other women’s life choices, or looking down on all things feminine. What I mean is that a woman in the workplace should be paid fairly and judged on her merits, that women should be allowed equal representation in government, and that women should be free to make the choices they want to live their lives however they want, as should men have each of these rights as well.
My choice is to be a slave…to a male Master.
Here is where things get tricky. Many people assume that they know what I think about a wide variety of topics based on the relationship I have with my Master. In many cases, these assumptions are incorrect. I have had many people assume that because I am a woman enslaved to a man that I believe all women should give up power and authority to men. They think I will agree with what they see as a “natural order.” In this natural order, all women are subservient to all men and society is meant to be ordered similar to the idealized world of 1950′s America.
I believe nothing of the sort, actually.
I have known and continue to meet amazing female dominants who are every bit as deserving of respect and devotion as their male counterparts. I also do not submit to all men. My submission is something that comes only after I have come to trust and respect a person and feel that they are worthy of submitting to, not simply because of their gender. Had my Master not crossed my path, I might well have happily submitted to a woman and served her. As it is, He is the one who met me, claimed me, and Mastered me. Still, when we met, it was as two equal beings meeting and it was as an equal that I gave up my power to him and chose inequality. I did not see myself as being an inferior person and simply following the decree of nature, but rather as having met my match in every way and choosing him and him alone. I doubt he would have wanted me if he considered me an inferior creature. He wanted me because he saw in me something special that he wanted to own and have as his, not because I was female and happened to have an empty neck at the time.
Within the pansexual BDSM community, I often see this conflict between feminism and equality and slavery. Some female slaves and male Masters argue that a women’s place is in the home, enslaved and devoted to her man and that female dominance is against the rules. On the other hand, you will see female dominants calling themselves “goddesses” that claim that all men are inferior to women and should worship women accordingly. To me, the reality is far more complicated. Some women submit to men, some men submit to women, and some submit to the same gender and then you even have people who blur the lines of gender. When you come down to it, what really matters is what works for those involved, not some fictional “one true way.” We are individuals and our submission or lack thereof is just as individual.
So, how can I claim to believe in equality between the genders and yet choose to be a slave to a man? I would say it is for the same reasons that I believe that a man can choose to submit to a man or a woman choose to submit to a woman. My personal life choices do not indicate that I want to be a slave to all men anymore than a woman submitting to a woman suddenly believes that she has a multiple personality and needs to submit to herself as well. I submit and am enslaved in the context of my personal relationship with my Master. I still expect equal pay for equal work when I go to work and I would still be tempted to knock the teeth out of anyone who tells me I can’t be an engineer because I have boobs. To me, that I choose to be beneath one man does not make me any less equal to all others, no more than I view the man who submits to a woman as any less equal to any other woman.
I don’t want to turn back the clock to the fictional world of Leave it to Beaver. We’ve made too much progress as a society since then and I value the ideal of a world, sometime in the future, where society no longer tries to force anyone into a role based on their gender. I want the world where men can marry men and women can marry women and we can choose to live within whatever dynamics we choose. I want the world where poly groups can marry as well and raise their kids in peace. I want the world where those who blur the lines of gender or who were unfortunate enough to be born with a body that did not match their identity are accepted for the individuals that they are. I see the relationship between my Master and I as just one other flavor of what can be, not as the guideline for how others should live their lives and certainly not as a judgment against my gender or anyone else’s.
I don’t kneel for just any man, but my Master was man enough to bring me to my knees.