The Weight of a Collar

Posted: August 16, 2010 in M/s

This Sunday marked a major milestone in my life and in my relationship with my Master.  This Sunday, in a private ceremony between the two of us, he placed his collar upon my neck.  As I felt the weight of it settle onto my neck, there were so many thoughts in my head.  I knelt there, at his feet, looking up into his eyes which were so happy.  I was also so happy, but I also understood that this is a big step for both of us.

Well…it is and it isn’t.

In some ways, this is merely a beautiful outer representation of a step that we have already taken together.  The journey to this point began almost a year ago when I first came to be at his feet and he claimed me as his slave.  There was never any consideration for either of us, but then we aren’t exactly the most conventional of couples, even among M/s couples.  I wanted to be his and he wanted me to his and so he owned me.  Still, both of us took the symbolism of a collar very seriously and did not want to rush into one without testing this new bond.  We both wanted to be sure that what we had between us was strong and would continue to grow even with the things life throws at us.

Life decided to call our bluff.

This past year has thrown all kinds of things at us.  Some of it has been amazingly good, some of it less so.  All of it has tested us and our dynamic.  At each turn, we both had the decision to step closer together or further apart.  At each turn, we moved closer.  We have learned so much along the way and grown in our dynamic.  We’ve met wonderful role models.  We’ve made mistakes and lived to learn from them.  Through all of it, I think the thing that has most kept us going was that we valued our dynamic above even our love, knowing that if we cared for the dynamic, we would still be together to love.

So yes, I’ve been his for almost a year now without a collar and I’m still his with one.  Yet…

The year and years ahead of us are a much more challenging road than the year we are finishing.  This collar is a symbol of the bond and commitment that we share to continue to build on the foundation we have begun and to face those challenges together, but each in our respective roles.  As much as I have learned about being his slave this past year, there is a lifetime left to learn.  He will continue to challenge me and take further control of those dusty corners in my mind and heart that even I have forgotten about.  I will continue to have to work not to hide in fear but be courageous enough to be open to him.  Life will continue to throw what it can at us.

A collar does not protect us from the challenges ahead.

Still, the weight of it, sitting on my neck now as I write, is a comfort to me, not a burden.  It feels like the weight of his hand resting on my neck as he sometimes does, guiding me and protecting me even when we are apart.  It is something physical to cling to when our dynamic seems just a cold abstract concept or when distance makes him feel far away.  It is a reminder of promises made and of my place and of the calm peacefulness I feel when I am there.  It is 30mm of stainless steel fuzzy blanket for all the rough spots life puts me through as well as something solid in a changing world.

And it is shiny.

  1. Shibari Pyro says:

    It is also just where it belongs, around the only neck it was crafted for. It is shiny, but it does not outshine you, my radiant and cherished slave.

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