Pain, Resolutions, and The Year Ahead

Posted: December 30, 2010 in general, Titleholding

If I’ve learned anything in my years on this planet it’s that life is all about balance.  Right now, I’m having a wonderful and awful week at the same time.  I have a new girlfriend and my Master and I have been enjoying quiet time at home together.  Both have brought me immense happiness.  We have a new home and have had the pleasure of having people over and celebrating the holidays.  In contrast, we also dealt with some issues with our new home that led to a week of cold showers and a lot of work having to be done.  Perhaps even more painful and in contrast to my happiness has been the kidney infection I’ve been battling all week, keeping me awake all night with pain and fever and weak and sick all day.

Balance indeed.

Still, I find my mood is directly influenced by which of these aspects of my life right now that I choose to focus my thoughts on.  As I think about my lovely new girlfriend and the way she blushes or the time spent cuddled up with my Master in front of the fireplace, or the happy times ahead spent with my Title family at events, it’s much easier to ignore the pain in my kidneys or the holes in the drywall.  If I focus instead on how awful I feel or how much work we will have to do painting and cleaning, it’s easy to forget how lucky I am in the life that I have.  In the end, my perspective determines my reality and I have the power to choose that which I will focus on.

This is a very powerful lesson to remember for the year ahead.

To be honest, I’ve intentionally avoided looking at my calendar for the months ahead until recently because it is difficult to think of how I will balance all that it contains.  That calendar is full of time away from my home and Master and all the difficulties of modern travel.  It is also filled with time spent with some of the most wonderful people and with experiences that I will remember for a lifetime but likely never live again.  As I peer out into the year ahead, the ache in my back is a reminder that how I experience the hectic months ahead will be determined by what I choose to focus on, whether it’s the loneliness of leaving home and my Master making me forget how amazing this year is, or my focus on the wonderful experiences of this year making the pain of missing home fade into the background, still there like my aching kidneys, but no longer driving me to distraction or ruining my day.  I have the power to choose which will color my experiences ahead.

I resolve to focus on the positive ahead of me this year and not to let the pain that I find along the way to become what consumes me.

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