My Master’s Sacrifice

Posted: March 23, 2011 in M/s, Titleholding

I haven’t posted much lately, partly because I’ve been traveling a lot, but partly because I’ve been dealing with something important on the home front.  A few weeks ago at SPLF, my Master noticed a “pop” in his left arm while moving a piece of play furniture to prepare for a scene.  Being the tough guy he is and eager for a rare chance to play together in public, he soldiered on that night, doing a take-down scene with me, followed by a very nice whip scene and later doing a rope scene with a very sweet boy in the men’s dungeon.  By the end of it all, though, it was obvious something was wrong.  His arm had swollen, was painful to move, and didn’t look quite right.  A wonderful man with medical knowledge, Sir Tri, took a look at it and gave us some triage advice and we made plans to have it looked at immediately on Monday, hoping it was just something pulled.  Unfortunately, it was more than that.  He has torn a tendon in his arm that holds the bicep to the bone and the muscle has retracted, requiring surgery.  We are finally preparing for that surgery this Friday, after a slew of tests and scheduling and rescheduling that would try anyone’s patience and wear on anyone’s nerves.

All of this has made me think more about what is really important to me and made me realize that the most important thing to me…is him.

Few people recognize my Master when they see him walk into a room.  Many people recognize me and come up to hug me, having met me here or there, but because someone has to take care of the home front, it’s a rare treat when he is able to travel with me.  So, he largely stays in the background, content to watch me shine while he goes unnoticed.  He never complains except to express how much it does mean when someone remembers and recognizes him.  He accepts so much that is the result of his conscious choice a year ago to share me with the community.  What people don’t realize is what a sacrifice that has been for him.

My Master isn’t the sharing kind when it comes to slaves.  Before this journey all began, we lived a life much different than the one we do now.  He kept me close to him, our protocols formal and his control absolute.  Few touched me.  No one played with me.  I licked only his boots or a few women’s.  I was his treasure, closely guarded, carefully protected.  Then he noticed something.  He saw that I had something to give the community.  He has always valued community service.  He’s quick to move furniture or stack chairs.  He’s always buying the 50/50 raffle tickets.  He’s eager to help out where he can.  In me, he was the first person to see a spark of something that could be used to serve others.  He carefully deliberated and slowly, slowly, he made the choice to loosen his grip and have me share that spark with others.  To say it wasn’t an easy choice for him to make was an understatement.  Even as I competed at Beyond Leather for the SouthEast Community Bootblack title, he agonized over how he could protect me and care for me while still putting me out there in the world to serve others.  He worried over how to keep his ownership of me when I would be exposed to a whole world beyond him.  He worried I would get hurt or led astray or crushed.  Until then, he had felt like he had a secret treasure.  Now he was intentionally choosing to let others know that secret.

Few know how many late nights we spent talking, working out what this all meant and where the new boundaries were.  No one really saw how he worried over me at ILSb/ICBB, trying to care for me as he watched me push myself hard, unable to ease the burden of competing, yet so proud of what I’d done.  When I won, he was the only one there when our flight home got canceled and I experienced a drop like none other, shivering and crying with both our leathers piled on top of me, my teardrops running along the studs on my title mantel.  He’s been strong enough to stand back while I’ve suffered, knowing at times that it wasn’t the right thing to do to step in…no matter how much he wanted to.  He has had to watch some of his worst fears and greatest hopes come true and has had to be strong enough, confident enough in his mastery of me, to stand by as I followed the commands of others.  He’s had to be supportive, yet firm, walking a tightrope between challenging me when I’ve not lived up to my own ideals and soothing me when my best just doesn’t reach them.

Together we’ve had to navigate an ever-changing landscape and make up the rules as we’ve gone along.  Even advice from former titleholders only helps so much since everyone’s year is so different and everyone’s relationships so varied.  Somehow, we’ve managed to grow closer this year, but it’s never been easy and it’s never been guaranteed and we’ve faced many moments where it could have gone either way.  Through those moments, it was often his patience that weathered the storm and kept us together.

Few people would know it, but whatever I am, my Master is the reason and the cause.  I am the visible face of what few see and the personification of his mastery.  I would literally not be here if it was not for his support, encouragement, and the courage he has to put me out there, in the spotlight and in harm’s way and to contentedly and proudly watch from behind the scenes.  Few would understand how hard it was for him to let me go so much, like cutting off an arm and sending it into the world, aching for the loss.  I am looking forward to that reunion even as I fondly look back on everything we’ve done this year and all the amazing experiences and wonderful memories.  Neither of us would trade this chapter in our lives for the world.

And both of us are looking forward to more chapters after, with me by his side…and a step behind, both of us serving the community we love.

So, I prepare now, to serve him and care for him as he recovers, a rare chance in the exciting chaos of this year to recede back to that place, where it is only Master and slave and the only world I travel is his.

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Comments
  1. Shibari Pyro says:

    It means a lot to me that you posted these beautiful words. It was a tough choice to let you have the freedoms that your title required. However, I am glad that we got to have the experiences that we did this year. I am looking forward to a speedy recovery, with your help, and to us moving forward in our dynamic.

    Your Master

  2. redwarrior,

    Very beautiful words indeed!

    Last week my partner drove me to the airport once again. As we neared the airport he related how much he has missed me this year. And last year. Like you and your Master, we discussed my decision to run for the Northwest and the International Titles.

    My service is actually my partner’s service. He does not hear the applause or enjoy the recognition that I have receive this year. Yet it is due to his service behind the scenes, his efforts week and week.

    To my partner, to your Master, to all those who serve with the support of their Leather partners and families. Thank you!

  3. Miss CandiAnne says:

    Thanks for the tear 🙂 As my year begins I wonder what it’ll be like for my partner and I. It’s been me in the background for the last 9yrs during his military service and now I’m going to be out there. While my title is small and mostly unknown it’s my goal through my travels to make it large. I know this will be hard for him and our family but like ShibariPyro, my partner too has supported me and is allowing me to shine.

    I’m glad you both had such a wonderful year and experienced so much. I’m thankful your Master shared his treasure with us all. May your coming times again be about the two of you, your dynamic and your passions.

    ShibariPyro, while your brace with flame is quite sexy (giggle) I hope you’ll be rid of it soon as better than new.

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